a postcard of a bloody tooth

so it's a little dramatic. but so, apparently, am i when i go to the dentist. my dentist, who in the past six months has transformed into a less-emo version of zach braff. imagine my surprise. i could have sworn he looked mildly like my cousin. who was in the military. and refuses to change haircuts.

in any case, i've been feeling some pain. in my left top molar. enough pain that i was continually pressing my jaw together to feel that pain. to, you know, test it out. see if i had a popcorn kernel stuck in there or my cavity was growing or the aliens had implanted another transmitter there.

apparently, i've broken all three of my fillings.

by grinding my teeth.

at night.

in my sleep.

my dentist said [and i am not paraphrasing here] 'you are grinding your teeth like a maniac! A MANIAC!'

so i had them fixed. refilled, if you will.

but first, he had to remove the old fillings. because due to my filling destruction during sleep, my cavities had expanded.

what's more uncomfortable than getting a filling in the first place? having the damned thing removed, then getting a NEW filling in its place. dentist numbed my face with something that smelled like watermelon jolly ranchers and tasted like rubbing alcohol. then i was injected with whatever it is that further numbs me. i've got to say, at this point, i was drooling and wondering if maybe i should just bonk my head on that giant ufo light so as to just pass out and miss all this fun.

the right side of my mouth fillings went smoothly. as smoothly as this all goes. i mean, i was in pain and my right knee started to do this weird twitchy dance, but other than that everything was peachy creamy.

my damned left top filling, though. first off, that side of my mouth didn't get as numb, or stay as numb or something because jesus mary and joseph when he went at my mouth with that drill i did an involuntary full-body twitch [i think i finally hit that pilates move where you're supposed to go from lying down to this 'v' position balanced on your butt] and yelped. i also, embarrassingly enough, started to cry. no sobs, but my eyes let loose a barrage of tears the likes of which i have not seen since, well, since thinking seriously about my ex.

anyway. my dentist immediately stopped and said 'oh, honey, i'm sorry, hold on, let me numb you up some more.' and shot my jaw with some more novocaine [dude, that stuff is hot when it goes into you] and actually WIPED AWAY MY TEARS FOR ME.

it was at this point that i fell in smit.

it took, no lie, i think 45 minutes for this sucker to get filled. and then this whole experience became very 'the secretary'-ish while he was checking my bite to make sure the fillings didn't stick out too much. i don't know how else to explain it but the situation became very intimate and nearly erotic.

i say nearly because:
1. i was delirious
2. this is my dentist, i'm getting fillings. he does this often. i've done this before. we're both dental appointment whores
3. my face is so numb that i'm pretty sure i look like a beluga whale. but better dressed.

this appointment started at 10 am, so i got to wander home touching my face gingerly and curiously. imagine my disappointment when i looked in the mirror and my face looked totally normal. i don't know what i wanted to look like - maybe one of those weird lion creatures from dark angel or something - but i looked normal. like me.

so i spent the day fading in and out of naps on the couch, drinking lukewarm tea and watching the trashiest tv i've ever watched.

the dentist, before i left, recommended i ask my doctor for valium. because of my teeth-grinding. i've got a mouth guard [read: retainer] that i don't wear because it's a retainer! i do not wish to be transported back to 7th grade! when i had a retainer! i'm 31 years old! there is nothing sexy about a retainer!

anyway, the valium. apparently i have a lot of anger/stress/anxiety/what-have-you. i process this in my sleep through grinding my teeth in my sleep. i had no idea i was still doing that. we all know i have anger issues. i have a lot of anger. who living in new york doesn't? no, really, i want to meet them. and punch them. because they're obviously not paying attention.

so i spoke with my shrink, once my lips felt normal and my tongue seemed under my control, and asked about valium. she thinks it's something to discuss. but, you see, that's why i have this blog. to sort of release some of my frustrations. to a forum. if i just wrote down everything in a journal, it doesn't work, because i'm the only person who reads it. i wasn't going to hand someone my journal and say 'hey, read this. i'm sort of cranky about a lot of stuff. it's all written down in this.' so this blog is so that i can make my observations blah blah blah.

my point here is: there is still anger and i am still grinding my teeth to the point of destruction!

i am impressed with myself, quite honestly.

impressed with that bill from dentist zach braff as well, let me tell you.

tonight, i'll be doing some yoga stretches and thinking good thoughts before i go to sleep.

i'll try to wear the mouth guard. i've been soaking it in listerine all evening. so, if nothing else, it'll get this lingering metal watermelon taste out of my mouth from the fillings.

if i break that thing with my teeth grinding, then i'm definitely getting valium. is that something i can buy from my teenage neighbor?