Wednesday, May 30, 2007

juice boxes

i was momentarily way-laid coming out of the subway this morning by a woman trying to shove a straw into her morning juice box.

it was a box of edensoy.

granted, that made me want to vomit, but then i thought some more about juice boxes in general [yes, i'm still stuck in this box theme].

why are juice boxes so bloody great?

i decided to debate this issue with myself, in my cubicle, instead of reading a cost report of something that's 4 pages long and full of numbers in very small print.

they're portable!
yes but so are sodas in a can. sodas in a can are not as fun as juice boxes but just as portable.

they're lined in a weird metallic paper!
canned beverages are contained in METAL.

they've got straws!
you can put a straw in just about anything, chief.

but they're little bendy straws! in a tiny plastic wrapper! sometimes the straws are red!
if this is what you need in life, i've got nothing for you, my friend.

they're pleasing to hold!
cans are more ergonomically sound for the human hand.

you can smush them!
i know where you went to college. you saw cans being crushed. in fists, on forheads, on balcony railings, give me a break.

but when you're drinking them, you can suck the air totally out so that they collapse! like capri-sun!
we're talking juice boxes here, not capri-sun. i would never argue with you regarding capri-sun. i'm no idjit.

often they're fruit punch flavored!
yes, yes they are often fruit punch flavored.

they remind me of my childhood!
which, some might argue, is not a plus.

you're stupid.
no, you're stupid.

and then i started thinking about brent's comment yesterday about how wine comes in a box. why do we look down on wine in a box? it's just a juice box for grownups! why is it ok for a woman to walk down 57th street drinking edensoy out of a box and not ok for someone to be drinking pinot grigio out of a box? granted, they'd have to get single-serve wine-in-a-boxes, but why don't they? perfect for picnics in central park! it's like a 6-pack of beer! but it's wine! in a box! with a straw!

it's too genius to ignore.

oh, shut up. you'd by it.
no i wouldn't.

1 comment:

brent said...

I just wish our society would let me walk around with a bottle of wine and a glass. In the old days guys roamed the woods and prairies with a skin filled with wine, so why do we now need to be sitting in a restaurant, when did that start? Modern society sucks!